Something happened in the middle of the year that caused me to lose a dear friend.

It was sometime in May that I began to get a feeling that something was wrong, I can’t remember what made me think that but I just knew in my heart that something had changed. I personally was going through some roller coaster emotions, having just returned from a spiritual high when I became Usui/Holy Fire Reiki Master in Sedona. A week after my return from Sedona I was a vendor at a very disappointing and uncomfortable art show. So I went from extreme highs to extreme lows.

I would guess that, emotionally, I would have been pretty high maintenance, but friends should be there for that.

But not this time, this time something changed, I felt it in the air, I felt it in the energy field, I felt it in my heart, and it saddened me.

I did try to ask, I really did, but was stabbed. Ouch, that hurt. So my “hurt” wall went up, I admit that. I did not know how to deal with it.

I still don’t.

Fast forward 6 months later and it has done nothing but get worse. First I was Facebook Unfriended, then I was Facebook Blocked. How’s that for being snubbed. Now just to let you know, I did not ever try to communicate with this person on Facebook through all of this so it came as a huge surprise to me when I discovered it. Geez….what did I say that struck a nerve? What meme did I share that caused a reaction?

Who knows, I share stuff all the time as inspiration, guidance, gratitude, humor, though provoking.

Obviously I provoked something.

In this last 6 months I have rarely spoken to this person although Facebook Memories pops up all the wonderful times we had shared. It hurts, it still hurts, and what hurts most is that I have No Idea What In Did Wrong. That’s the crux of it really. If I knew what horrid thing I did, I could apologize, I could learn a lesson, I could smack myself on the head and chastise myself for my stupidity, I could say “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on”, but reality is I am clueless.

In the wee hours of this morning I was again pondering over this and decided to give myself Reiki calling up Holy Fire and The Emotional Symbol. I also envisioned my energy spreading out to cover the area, extending to her house, in an effort to soften her heart, to share the truth.

When I was ready to get up I looked at the clock and it was 4:44. 444 is such a magical number and seeing it gave me great peace.

I don’t know much about numerology so I googled it. The number 444 represents the archangels who are over our mental and emotional support. It is intended for support when you are feeling conflicted and unsure. This number let me know that I am being watched over, guided and that I need to trust my inner self and any guidance that came my way. The Archangels are offering me positive energy and inner strength. It is also a message that “everything is well”, that I am on a good, solid path as long as I follow my heart and guidance.

I am reminded that our benevolent creator knows what is best and that we have help and guidance all along our path if we choose to see it. Sometimes we slip up and ego takes over, as it did with me this morning. Spirit has reminded me that everything happens for a reason. Several months ago I understood that relationships come and go, that we both got what we needed from each other for the time. We learned, listened, grew in our own way, but it was not a relationship that was best continued and it was time to move on.

I am grateful to have had this time together and the friendship that we had. I hope someday that we can once again be friends. In the meantime  I will continue  to live my life according to the energy flow.

Thank you to my Archangels for always being there for me. Namaste.

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